


in a coma, you don't dream; you just hope that someone sits with you

by kurapikano



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, im so sorry, kenzies be like writes oneshots instead of updates, not another leopika smh i cannot believe myself, other characters mentioned! - Freeform, this is mostly kurapika, very minimally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26823877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurapikano/pseuds/kurapikano
Summary: Before now, Kurapika would throw anything away to reach his goals.Now, he isn't sure he would have the heart.
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 8
Kudos: 44





	in a coma, you don't dream; you just hope that someone sits with you

**Author's Note:**

> took a uquiz and went insane
> 
> also, title and quote at the end are from the song "padraic my prince" by bright eyes !!

Objectively, and in a general sense, Kurapika is happy. Autumn leaves trickle from the sky like tiny dancers, the morning sun is washing the Earth in a basking orange light, and Leorio is shuffling around in the kitchen with coffee wafting its scent in the air as it brews. He knows it will be exactly how he likes it - after two years of living together, Leorio knows how he likes most everything: his coffee, his tea, his English muffins, and, most of all, love.

Kurapika hasn't thought about the person he used to be in a couple of months, not in any major way, but, on this morning in early October, he's pondering it, well-kept nails tapping against the meticulously cleaned windowsill (it is Kurta tradition to keep it clean to ward off isolation, odd for someone like himself, he thinks).

Life is beautiful, now, Kurapika agrees with the universe - things are going well, and have been going well. Killua and Gon are moving on well from past traumas, Alluka closely behind them, and, as for the other Zoldyck children...it is a work in progress. His apartment with Leorio is cozy and finally truly beginning to feel like home - Leorio seemed to settle in much quicker, understandably - with their knick-knacks and belongings placed less like they are in a museum, and more like they are home. To be in a place that is clearly lived in and inhabited by the warmth of human beings is something that Kurapika had lacked for years, and, now, having turned twenty-two just after Leorio turned twenty-four, he has it again. It is not the same as his first home, but, that is what is making a rustle in his mind.

Often, he had pondered in the past if he would take the chance to start over. For a long time, the answer had been a wholehearted yes. Especially at his youngest, when he was twelve and freshly hurt, he had wanted it to just go away and go back to normal. However, as the years progressed, and he had found new purposes, the answer had changed to a hesitant silence.

Whether it was a hesitant no or a hesitant yes was hard to say, because, even now, there are things he wants to change. He wants Leorio to be able to meet Pairo, and his parents. He wants to have them there when he gets married - this thought has him glance at the engagement ring on his finger. He wants to not be the only Kurta left on Earth, because there is something so horribly lonely about it, and he hates it. He does not feel unique. He feels alone.

Even then, he knows, with all the warmth he tries to deny having deep down, he could never trade what he has now just to start over. To imagine never meeting the love of his life or the children that have grown into teenagers that he nearly would consider his own is a pain he can't fathom, and he never wants to let it become real. Such things are not realistic, anyway, he knows, but it's a real fear for something impossible.

He can't let go of what he has, so, simply, as humans do, he has regrets.

His biggest regret is not saying goodbye loud enough.

Leorio sits in the armchair adjacent to him, handing him a mug of coffee. With a gentle sip, Kurapika confirms that it is perfect, and Leorio smiles that warm grin that makes all his insides melt and the tips of his fingers and cheeks tingle.

He's not alone.

_"In a coma, you don't dream; you just hope that someone sits with you."_


End file.
